Polyamory, Polyfidelity, & Threelationship
Why polyamory? Well, monogamy has always been the default program of most societies’ relationship models. Heteronormativity is pervasive. It suggests that if you are a human, it is expected for you to be both heterosexual and monogamous. What if you aren’t heterosexual? What if you have found that monogamy isn’t for you? Well then society says you aren’t normal. I call bullshit on that. If you wanna know why I call bullshit, that’s because normal isn’t real. If you haven’t already, watch the How to be Normal video here for more on that.
Humans in actuality come in all kinds of varieties. They have many differing desires as well. Shoving everyone into a tiny heteronormative box and telling them to shut up and be happy just doesn’t work for most people. So what’s a girl to do? Well, the best course of action is to become aware that heteronormativity is just one option out of many. There isn’t just one way everyone has to be. Don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with monogamy or being heterosexual. The problem lies when these things are not allowed to be conscious choices.
In order to be truly happy in life it is important that you know yourself. Take a good look at yourself, your sexual desires, and how you best like to behave in your relationships. Once you are aware of who you are, then you will have a better idea of what kind of relationships will bring you the most joy. For some people, dating the opposite sex in exclusive, monogamous relationships is perfectly fine. If that isn’t you, then there are other relationship styles that might be a better fit.
You may have heard terms like monogamish, open relationships, and swinging. Though they are forms of consensual non-monogamy like polyamory is, they are really just variations on the monogamous theme. Polyamory is a different kind of relationship style altogether. In monogamy you get one relationship unit only; one girlfriend, one boyfriend, one spouse…etc. The agreements and the way you have that relationship is negotiable, but there is only one real relationship. In polyamory, there is the option and often expectation that there will be many relationship units formed. Many times polyamorous people do form one main relationship with someone, a life partner if you will. However, poly people can and often do have multiple life partners or serious relationships with others as well. The form of polyamory where a primary pair bond is formed and other relationship units with others are formed as well is called hierarchal polyamory. For those who want relationship variety but aren’t into multitasking, there is another style of polyamory that includes the best of both monogamy and polyamory. It’s called polyfidelity.
Polyfidelity is like monogamy in that only one relationship unit is formed. However, by definition it has to be considered polyamorous because that one relationship includes more than two people. Some poly people would criticizes the polyfidelitous style because they feel like it is only wanted for fear of allowing partners true freedom. Sometimes that is the case, but for most people it is actually a matter of depth vs. breadth.
Most people want to be allowed the most variety of life experiences possible. For some however, what is more important is that they reach as much depth as possible in those experiences. In a perfect world, everyone could do both. They could have as many experiences as possible with a much depth as possible. To have a multitude of experiences takes time. To experience a tremendous amount of depth also requires time. Time is a limited resource, so unfortunately we have to prioritize. If you prioritize variety over depth, then traditional polyamorous relationships are where you will find that. If instead you value depth over variety, polyfidelity will be more your speed.
Bisexuality has no default solution in a monogamous world. If you are truly monogamous, but also bisexual, that calls for you to choose between two essentially relevant parts of yourself at all times. This can and often does lead to a whole lot of confusion and heartache. A monogamous person who is also bisexual, will usually pick one gender to be with but then find they miss the other. They flip-flop between the sexes in monogamous relationships but never quite find the fulfillment they are looking for. Polyfidelity in general is great for polyamorous people who want more depth with their variety. But what about bisexual people who would rather be monogamous? Threelationship specifically can be used as a monogamy work around in this case.
For a poly bi person the solution is easier. They can have separate relationships with men and separate relationships with women and feel like they are expressing all of who they are. For a mono bi person, to have separate relationships in order to get what they need, denies the truth of their monogamous preference. To be truly happy, one has to have ALL of their needs met. Threelationship is the perfect answer. Threelationships resolve the need for full expression of sexual preferences as well as the true desire for monogamous styled relationships.
The Threelationship Handbook
If you are a bisexual but otherwise monogamous woman, threelationship probably sounds like the perfectly logical solution. It can however be a bit overwhelming in practice to navigate the lifestyle on your own. It may sound perfect, but you might not do it. Simply because you don’t know how. Luckily for you, I’ve done the hard work already. I’ve figured it out and I’ve written a handy little guide to walk you through everything you need to know to get started.
It’s called The Threelationship Handbook – A Single Woman’s Guide to Dating a Couple. In it you will find a complete breakdown of all that is incorporated in the lifestyle. You will learn to further define your particular style of bisexuality and become aware of the kind of threelationships that best suit you. You will learn step by step processes for dating, threesome sex, and communication. Not only that, but you will learn how to clear any heteronormative programming that might be keeping you from having everything you want in life.
To learn more about threelationships and get started on a path of authentic expression and ultimate sexual fulfillment, buy the book now! It is available on Amazon for Kindle, and iTunes for the super low price of $2.99. That’s right, for just around 3 bucks you can start living a life you only dreamed could be possible. How cool is that?